Why is homeschooling so frustrating?

I love many things about homeschooling, however, I still find myself often drained and frustrated. I was listening to a teaching this week by Jamie Lash and I think he hit on the reason why: Don't have block-able goals! The basic goal of homeschooling seems to be to get your child to learn. Well, that is a block-able since it involves another human! Often my child want to learn (thank you Sonlight), but they don't REALLY want to be stretched and challenged and pushed to reach further. They'd rather play outside, practice their choir, or read a book. Good things--I'm glad they do them. But I believe there comes a point we all need a little discipline in our lives to do more (like one of our favorites--spelling). And honestly, even my younger daughter who loves almost all of her schoolwork, still doesn't like when her "way" of doing a math problem is wrong and she has to be corrected. If I let my children only do whatever they wanted to do, I'm not sure one would ever get out of bed, much less make that bed, or get any exercise for the day. And I don't even want to think about what our house would look like!

So, anyway, since I'm not a radical un-schooler and my children don't want to do everything I think necessary for them, I've got a problem. I've got goals for them to learn/achieve/clean/exercise and they are not goals I can control. Oh, we homeschool moms sure can try, but we end up frustrated. (Should I admit that I'm speaking from experience?) So, I guess I need new goals.

But really, my world is wrapped around my kids--their chores, their meals, their laundry, and their education. Well, ok, I left my husband out and a few other things, but you get the idea. Isn't the goal to sow into my kids to reap a fruit somewhere? Do I really have to be like the farmer who sowed on the path and in the thorns, and all those unfruitful places? Is that the message of that story? Somehow I think not. Maybe the point is to leave the fruit and the timing up to God. But still, then, what is my goal? What am I striving for??? If my goal is not for my daughter to learn to spell, then I'll just go through spelling practices without adjusting to her or fighting to shore up a weak area. I can try to be a good teacher, but I've only got one student in each grade. How can I know if I'm doing a good job? Why is my daughter weak in an area? Is it me? Is it her? (And if I'm responsible for her genes and behavior--maybe it's still me!)

The only goal I can come up with is to please God, but that's so hard to figure out what that means other than some vague idea. I really like having a goal and accomplishing--one besides to get the laundry done. :) (And even then, the laundry is not my highest priority--my children are) So what goal can I have? To please God as a mother. I guess that's it. Woo! No wonder being a homeschool mom is so hard. It's working in blind faith that you are somehow reaching a vague goal of doing your best while trying to give your children freedom to make choices, while encouraging them to make good ones. Guess I need to listen to some more about goal setting.

Those are my tangled thoughts on the subject--maybe slightly clearer for the typing. What are your goals and how to keep from making them dependent on your child's willingness, abilities, and motivations? What is your goal as a parent and as a homeschooler that YOU can control?

The Wall: Having Faith in the Little Things

Today's sermon included a short story about running a half marathon. The pastor said he, not being a "runner" hit the wall at mile 10 and how everything was hard and how he was mad at his friend and how everything in his life seemed bad--his freckles and that kid that hurt him in 7th grade, etc. And then his friend (the "runner" who had already finished the race) came back to run the last portion with him and kept telling him he could do it.

Well, his story sounded so familiar to me. No, I don't run. In fact I really can't--not more than a few steps when I think one of my kids is in danger or something. But I honestly know that feeling of hitting a wall where I just "can't" keep going. Yep, it comes as I try to get thru the day and suddenly everything in my life seems bad and can't perceive I can make it. So, I'm trying to figure out how to look at each day as a marathon and push thru the wall--but not overexert myself. The one comfort God gave me is that his mercies are new every morning. I think I'll make a New Year's resolution this year--to look only to the day ahead. I can't handle more than that. When we were missionaries, it seemed easier somehow to look at the big things and have faith for them (not that it wasn't a challenge!) But now it's like my miracles are getting the house clean and watching all the different people that pull together to help me get through the basics of caring for my house. We are making it and that seems like a miracle in itself.

I hope that these little miracles and chances to have faith are just a training for the future God has for me. After all he says those who are faithful with little will be given much.

Easy Yoke?

When I look at my daily life, I struggle with where the "easy yoke" Jesus promises come in. I was praying about it and wait came to mind was that Jesus also says take up your cross. Ouch! And then I thought no one will carry your cross for you until you fall down. I think God is teaching me to be weak. Oh it's hard! But when I'm weak He is strong.

Another verse I was encouraged (or maybe I should say reprimanded with ) was

Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience.

But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing.

Truth is I don't want to let endurance have it's full play--I want it to have a quick death and end! But I know that's not for my best. So, I'm enduring and trying to think outside the box to see how carrying a cross CAN be an easy yoke.

Celebrating the small stuff...

Last I posted I mentioned about my "children being taught of the Lord". Well, I want to celebrate an little ex. of that by sharing a cute story. We've just started reading a family devotional on grace at night. So, my 3 y.o. must have been trying to process it all b/c out of the blue she says something like, " I did grace one time when I gave Elizabeth 2 people (toys) when she didn't deserve it." So neat that she got the basic idea--I really didn't expect her to get much out of it. But to give you the background, when she was playing with Elizabeth a few weeks ago they had a disagreement b/c my little sweetie wanted to have all the people in the house set and give Elizabeth only one. So, after I explained that she could share them equally or not play at all she decided to share. :) It cracked me up that she deemed Elizabeth unworthy of having an equal share of the toys, but hey, at least she's learning something.

It's especially encouraging b/c I'm struggling to keep up with the devotional, so it's a good motivator to see someone is listening. And especially b/c I'm way over my limit of stress and pressures and ability to keep up right now. But God's got my children covered.

If you have a small celebration, please share it!

I'm retiring--someone else will be teaching my kids this year...

Someone was praying for me today--and even though they didn't know I homeschooled, they encouraged me with the verse, "Your children shall be taught of the Lord".

Cool--maybe I'll become an unschooler after all...I've been really wondering how much I can take on this year and how much I should just let go. My dd is really into chess right now and since she's only a 2nd grader, I am pretty excited. SO, I think that will be a big part of our school day. At least to start out. And as for the rest, I'll let the Master teacher worry about that. :) That is until He tells me what else I need to be teaching.

I'm an ACHIEVER again!

You know, I have some trials--especially in my physical body. It makes it hard to get things done. But I was encouraged by this verse today:


For our light, momentary affliction (this slight distress of the passing hour) is ever more and more abundantly preparing and producing and achieving for us an everlasting weight of glory [beyond all measure, excessively surpassing all comparisons and all calculations, a vast and transcendent glory and blessedness never to cease!],

In comparison to heaven, this affliction of mine is light and it's momentary (my life is but a blink of an eye!). BUT it's achieving for me. I can't seem achieve much right now. But this burden is doing it FOR me. I don't see this, but I do believe it. I am achieving just b/c of my afflicition. I've always been one to work hard and achieve. I've been struggle and getting no where, but I realized that I'm getting somewhere in the unseen realm. I don't get it--but it's in the Bible in black in white in 2 Cor. 4:15-18. I AM achieving! Not a functionally clean house; Not a job; not even in my homeschooling am I acheiving anything right now (I can't seem to get started, though I planned to). BUT I am achieving in the unseen realm.

Oh, and did you notice the "passing" part--this too shall pass. Repeat after me "This is temporary". Don't think of how long it is--just focus on that it's temporary. People say "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." That's right--you can only handle such huge things b/c they are temporary. "This is only temporary." I can endure a little while longer in the mess--but I can't wait to get to heaven and the joy that's waiting there.

A Carrot, an Egg, or a Coffee Bean?

The following story arrived in my e-mail today and I wanted to share it:

A young girl complained to her father that she was tired of the struggles of every day life. It seemed that just as one problem was solved, another arose. Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen, filled three pots with water and turned the heat on high. Soon the three pots came to a boil. In one pot he placed a carrot, in the other he placed an egg, and in the last he placed ground coffee beans. The father and child sat while the items in the pots boiled, all the while the young girl was wondering why her father was cooking when she had come to him for help with her problems.
Thirty minutes later, the father took the carrot, egg, and coffee out of each pot and put them in separate bowls and let them cool. The father then instructed his daughter to feel the carrot. The young girl noted that the carrot was soft and mushy. He then asked her to take the egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. Her face frowned at the strong taste of the coffee.
"What does it all mean, Father?" The father explained, "Each item faced the same adversity; 212 degrees of boiling water for 30 minutes, however, each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong and hard, but came out soft and weak. The egg was fragile; a thin, outer shell protecting a liquid center. But after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The coffee beans became stronger and richer and permeated the water."
"Which are you?" he asked his daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you the carrot, which seems tough, but wilts with the smallest amount of pain or adversity? Are you the egg which starts off with a malleable heart, but after experiencing the trials of life you become hardened and bitter?
Or are you like the coffee bean? The bean does not get its peak flavor and robust until it reaches 212 degrees Fahrenheit. When life is at its toughest, you are at your best. When the hour is the darkest, and trials are their greatest, your worship elevates to another level. How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?
"We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:9-10
--Author Unknown

Keep your mind set on things above...

I discovered one thing that helps me on (on my good OR bad days) is MUSIC.

One day I made a CD of songs that inspire me during struggle, which included SuperChik's "Beauty from Pain". (I need to figure out how to add that song to this page!)

Or other times I listen to a CD of worship songs that the girls have. It's great b/c it's kids singing music I like, so the girls love it and I do too!!! We have the first 2 volumes of Absolute Modern Worship for Kids.

Anyway, just a short suggestion, but when I remember the uplifting music, it really helps keeping me going.

If you have a song that really encourages you, be sure to share!

All Types of Mothers--working from your strength saves energy

I was inspired today by a discussion online. If you are homeschooling and chronically ill, you don't have energy to waste. But it's so easy to waste our energy feeling guilty. And not being a good mom can easily top the list.

But the truth is God made us different on purpose. He didn't make any moms who fit a cookie cutter. Sorry, but few (if any) of us fit the descriptions that are read in Mother's Day sermons. There are those who naturally make cookies and always have all the right clothes picked out and provide a nice stable home. But they have trouble with the spontaneous interruptions and struggle to be "fun" with their kids. On the other hand, the "fun" mom has trouble getting all the mom-work done in a timely fashion.

I read a book MotherStyles: Using Personality Type to Discover Your Parenting Strengths that really helped me see that I was a good mother. See the type of mother I thought I should be, I was really not good at--and doubly so since I was sick. BUT I realized that type of mother was missing a lot of things that do make me a good mom! In the end, no mother is any better off. Each one has to learn to serve the family out of their strength and do their best to stretch in areas that are not so natural. One of the blessings of being a mother is that we are forced to grow as people b/c being a mother requires us to taking on so many varying task. And we can learn to bring other people into our child's life to fill in our gaps. That's what community is all about anyway!

So, I hope you can learn more about how your strengths bless your family, even while you are sick. God made us a certain way on purpose and there is no point comparing ourselves--especially those of us who have no energy to waste.

Does my daughter suffer b/c of my illness?

The other day my daughter had helped me quite a bit and so I was thinking--I need to give her some kind of reward. But then one of those thoughts popped in my head that seemed inspired--(NOT something I'm smart enough to come up with): she's gaining rewards in heaven.

So, I told my daughter I noticed how much she had been helping me and how I thought maybe God had a special reward waiting for her in heaven for all the extra help she'd been that day.

I asked her if there were no limits, what would one thing would she pick (on earth) she would like to have. She said "A Dora castle". So, I asked which would be better: a Dora Castle on earth or to have a Dora castle in heaven that would last forever. She confidently said one in heaven (eyes glowing). To which I said, you never know--God might have a Dora Castle for you in heaven, but if he doesn't, he has better things for you.

I explained how when we do things in secret without getting a reward or applause, that God rewards us. And I encouraged her that she has lots of chances to do service for her sick mommy or to be accommodating to her demanding little sister. She was so excited about this. And honestly, I was so relieved to realize I don't have to make it all fair for her--God will.

I try hard not to take advantage of her obedience for the sake of my laziness. Training her to have a servants heart can be an eternal blessing to her.